Traffic oddities

Please! Christmas was over 2 months ago!

Please remove those reindeer stag horns from the side windows of your car. Frankly, they look nothing like stag horns. More like your mal-nourished grandma is giving me a rude finger signal while ET is trying to escape from the otherside of your stupid car!

I spend 45 mintues each way, to and from work everyday - well, 4 days a week. And these are things on the road that really get up my flat nose.

I can't stand the "P plates" that are stuck so deep behind the plates or turned up-side-down. Why bother hiding them? We can tell you are a P-plater by the way you drive. And we'll be very happy to give you the entire road so you can speed to the next "safety camera".

Speaking of number plates, personalised plates are so annoying. Quick examples:

BMW-xxx . OK. I can tell you drive a BMW. Wow! But do you really have to spell it out twice, no, in fact, 3 times on your car? Or maybe it is YOU that can't remember it's a BMW.

It's OK to put your initials on the plate but first make sure it's not a medical acronym.

HPV-xxx. What does that stand for ? "Henry Parkinson the Fifth" or something similar? To the rest of us, it's Human PapillomaVirus. Yep! It's a virus that make WARTS, including the genital variety.

HSV-xxx. Holden Special Vehicle? or more commonly known as Herpes Simplex Virus.

XYZ-888. So many number 8's !!! Any chance you are Chinese?

Some must be very cute... in their own language! "FGT-RDE" ... Huh? Whatever that abbreviated phrase is, it must have been quite funny ... in your family. But me? I have no idea and I don't bother try to work it out. I am too hungry and in severe need to use the lavatory - so don't test my mental skill at 7:25 PM on the M2, please!

Some are very short. Like "1" or "ME". Why spend so much money for so much less metal? And these are almost always found on some super cars that look as if they can be utilised in one of those great bank robbery jobs. Is that stupid or what! If you are running away from the cops, would it not be better to have one of those plates with cryptic tongue twisters?

"Car 2 to Radio 1, ... attention all units... suspect is in a red Hyundai or KIA or maybe Fiat ... running down the 616, register number ... XRTWSE... no, no ... XTRZEW ... no, no, ... TWSAXZ ... Oh Crikey! Scrap that, just pin the crime on the Maserati with number plate 'ME' ... "

And finally, please don't tail-gate me when I am trying to terrorise the old lady in the pink Vee-Dub Beetle in front of me!