Modern decor

"May I take your coat, sir?"

As soon as I heard the cordial suggestion, I knew we were in trouble. Before we walked through its large door, we thought the place was a rather nice ... café!

Then came the menu. Hmmm, no dollar signs any where. Can't be free, can it? Is it the good chefs' charity week? NO! The price was written in tiny words, in very good artisitc type I must say, on the bottom of the page.

Two hundred and fifty dollars per person.

For lunch? LUNCH? I felt a slight epigastric discomfort and my heart went a bit berserk. The wife was completely oblivous to the situation.

Seeing the sweat beads on my forehead, she murmured: "Don't shake, I carry your credit cards!"

"Thanks, darl, what can I do without you ... Anyway, who told you about this place? ... You told me it's à-la-cart and now just look at this ..."

But our coates were taken away, we already sipped the welcoming champagne, our fate was sealed.

After several glasses of sparklings and decent food ... I felt better but needed to go for a pee.

A nice hostess - not waitress - lead me through a maze of hallways with nice paintings hanging on the walls, to ... the lavatory. And just like the menu, ... No signs! No silhouettes of a stick man with or without a skirt, no M & F, no Gents & Ladies. Just two black doors. I learned my lesson with the menu and stayed calm while bending down trying to look for the wordings.

"What are you doing, sir?"

"Errr ... I am trying to see which door is for me, there must be a trick here ... 'cos I can't see a anything written on the bottom of either door!"

"Just push sir, it's OK for either male or female."

I went in ..."Excuse me, it's dark in here. Where's the damn light switch?"

Then I realised something. It wasn't not dark, it was black! Bar the few halogen downlights, everything else in there was black. Black marble sinks, black taps, black knobs, ... black toilets!

"This is medically unethical. How do I know if I suffered from gastrointestinal haemorrhage in a place like this!"

I fumbled and tumbled a bit and finally got myself out of the toilet.

Modern decor? More like a nasty test to see if you could find out where to correctly put your bits! And I thought I might have ... failed in there.

I rushed back to see the Mrs had already paid the bill. I hurrily walked her out the door before one of those well-dressed rich dudes used the crazy loo.

WOW! That was worth the two hundred and fifty dollars per person!