Private billing

The staff and doctors at our office had a brief meeting yesterday - well, not an official meeting, more like an impromtu gathering around a small chocolate cake and singing Happy Birthday to ... me.

During the sugary fix, we spoke of our business a bit. And one thing led to another, we decided to stop bulk billing to new patients.

This was a bit of a surprise to everyone, but it would be a neccessary step for a practice like ours. We found that due to the recent overload of new "once-off" patients we gradually lose our loyal regular ones, who were slowly squeezed out by the long waiting time.

So, it's official, folks!

From March 1 2011, NEW patients will be private-billed.

Patients who have consulted our doctors before March 1 will continue to be bulk-billed.

We are taking steps to make the transition and transaction painless.



[Yes. The knife really means business!]

Traffic oddities

Please! Christmas was over 2 months ago!

Please remove those reindeer stag horns from the side windows of your car. Frankly, they look nothing like stag horns. More like your mal-nourished grandma is giving me a rude finger signal while ET is trying to escape from the otherside of your stupid car!

I spend 45 mintues each way, to and from work everyday - well, 4 days a week. And these are things on the road that really get up my flat nose.

I can't stand the "P plates" that are stuck so deep behind the plates or turned up-side-down. Why bother hiding them? We can tell you are a P-plater by the way you drive. And we'll be very happy to give you the entire road so you can speed to the next "safety camera".

Speaking of number plates, personalised plates are so annoying. Quick examples:

BMW-xxx . OK. I can tell you drive a BMW. Wow! But do you really have to spell it out twice, no, in fact, 3 times on your car? Or maybe it is YOU that can't remember it's a BMW.

It's OK to put your initials on the plate but first make sure it's not a medical acronym.

HPV-xxx. What does that stand for ? "Henry Parkinson the Fifth" or something similar? To the rest of us, it's Human PapillomaVirus. Yep! It's a virus that make WARTS, including the genital variety.

HSV-xxx. Holden Special Vehicle? or more commonly known as Herpes Simplex Virus.

XYZ-888. So many number 8's !!! Any chance you are Chinese?

Some must be very cute... in their own language! "FGT-RDE" ... Huh? Whatever that abbreviated phrase is, it must have been quite funny ... in your family. But me? I have no idea and I don't bother try to work it out. I am too hungry and in severe need to use the lavatory - so don't test my mental skill at 7:25 PM on the M2, please!

Some are very short. Like "1" or "ME". Why spend so much money for so much less metal? And these are almost always found on some super cars that look as if they can be utilised in one of those great bank robbery jobs. Is that stupid or what! If you are running away from the cops, would it not be better to have one of those plates with cryptic tongue twisters?

"Car 2 to Radio 1, ... attention all units... suspect is in a red Hyundai or KIA or maybe Fiat ... running down the 616, register number ... XRTWSE... no, no ... XTRZEW ... no, no, ... TWSAXZ ... Oh Crikey! Scrap that, just pin the crime on the Maserati with number plate 'ME' ... "

And finally, please don't tail-gate me when I am trying to terrorise the old lady in the pink Vee-Dub Beetle in front of me!

Open Disastrous

I bought the Australian Open tickets last October so last week I took my wife and son to Melbourne. It was my first one-week break in more than a year. I deserved it as I had worked on my own for 3 weeks whilst the lady doctors here all took off around Christmas time.

Was it a good break? Hah!

Sydney airport

The check-in blonde hurried us through and somehow managed to tag our bags to go to Hobart! We had no idea until my wife got a bit concerned. The girl said gate 49 but the display now said gate 50. The wife asked me to check. Of course, I told her to stop being silly. She kept nagging, so I went and checked the sticky notes on our boarding passes. "SYD-HOB". "Hmmm, how cryptic! May be the luggage are sent by ... hobbyist courier?" I rationalised. As I told the stewardess on boarding, she quickly ran about yelling some cryptic words. I felt terrible because the flight to Hobart was also delayed after that. As it turned out, the Tassie-bound woman checking in just before me was supposed to have 4 bags. She changed her mind and only chucked in 2. Maybe her new husband did not tun up. So we somehow got the 2 spare tags heading for Hobart. And yes, the entire Sydney-Melbourne flight time was for a lecture of how horrible life would be if the wife's commands weren't heeded to.

Shitzu's bite.

Not sure of the spelling but this breed of dog shoud be banned. The wife's long time friend has 2 of these and one of them didn't like me. She jumped up and aimed for my face. Unfortunately she was so fat and could only got to the level of my crotch. Wham! I turned quickly and got a huge bite and bruise on the upper part of my thigh - about 3 cm from the most sensitiv bit of my anatomy. Phew!!! During the taxi trip home, the lecture was on how to behave about other people's pets. What? I was just reaching over for my drink when the monster got me!

Lost seeds

Nadal lost to Ferrer. "What is going on here?" I asked. I paid a lot of money to see Federer and Nadal in the final. I was certain it was written in the contract somewhere. Then I saw Federer got knocked out by a guy who looked almost exactly like the kid who beat me up daily in primary school. I am sure there weren't many Serbian kids in my school in Saigon, but this Djorkovic really looked like the thug I used to fear and hate. No lectures for few days, the professor was too busy shopping.

"I AM CALM!!!!!"

When we got back to Sydney airport, our booked maxi-taxi got ... lost - or rather the booking was "not confirmed". We - 12 people and all (yes, I and all the in-laws) - had to drag our luggage back to the end of a long taxi queue. I was fuming! The lecturer was kind and gave me a "calm down" hug. Yep, she was the one who made the shonky taxi booking.